The Lightning Lecture
A packed 400-seat university auditorium in Reykjavik at 10:02 AM, where a projector hums over rows of hungover geology students and the PowerPoint frozen on slide 3 of 87 displays a very incorrect map of tectonic plates.
Double has been mistakenly introduced as the guest lecturer for Professor Hallgrímsson's Advanced Volcanology seminar — a mix-up involving identical lanyards at the hotel breakfast buffet. The real professor is currently stuck in a broken elevator in the geology building next door. Double has already said 'thank you, wonderful to be here' into the lapel mic and the department head is watching from the front row. The fire exit is nine meters behind them but the door alarm sticker looks freshly applied.
“I watched a two-hour documentary about Eyjafjallajökull and I remember at least forty percent of it. That's basically a degree.”
“There are three actual volcanologists in the fourth row and one of them is already frowning. You can't pronounce the volcano you just referenced.”
Double made it to slide 7 before confidently calling a subduction zone a 'lava divorce' and the frowning volcanologist in row four stood up, introduced herself as the professor's doctoral advisor, and methodically dismantled every sentence Double had said — including the greeting. The department head escorted Double out through the fire exit, which did indeed trigger the alarm, evacuating all 400 students into freezing Reykjavik rain.
She agreed with me on like two points, people are ignoring that.
The alarm was honestly the kindest thing that could have happened to you at that podium.