---
id: "episode:72"
number: 72
type: "standalone"
status: "archived"
genreTags: ["law","comedy"]
createdAt: "2026-04-24T23:57:17.133Z"
blockNumber: 946656
commitment: "0a2c2e5915419f197176cea7133239730e8410da74ec56f642576e292bc63ad7"
blockHash: "00000000000000000001f524a032b20533fc8a61e2e3e20f7f7c39689286dd48"
seed: "c082cbf6d6e75781c2ec13b5a7c023028c7afe050d2879f9e3d1dedf5285af53"
outcome: "BUST"
resolution: "Double made it exactly three lots in before accidentally selling the 2019 bass boat to himself for $200, at which point Bidder #47 produced a laminated copy of Texas Occupations Code §1802 and the deputy sheriff gently but firmly escorted him off the podium. The taxidermy unit went unsold and is now accruing $40/day in storage fees under Double's bidder number."
resolvedAt: "2026-04-26T00:31:52.006Z"
---

# Episode 72: The Substitute Auctioneer

## Story

**Setting:** A sweltering middle school gymnasium in Beaumont, Texas at 7:09 PM, where 200 folding chairs face a plywood podium and a seized-property lot catalog is already missing pages 11 through 14.

### Scenario

The county sheriff's auction is about to start and the licensed auctioneer just called in with a shattered collarbone from a jet ski accident. Double has watched exactly nine hours of auction content on YouTube and is already adjusting the microphone. The lot sheet includes a repossessed 2019 bass boat, a pallet of industrial ceiling fans, and — inexplicably — a storage unit in Galveston whose manifest simply reads 'MISC TAXIDERMY + 1 SAFE.' Bidder #47, a woman in a pantsuit who has attended every county auction since 2016, is already raising her paddle to object.

### Quotes

- **Double:** I did a garage sale once and made eleven hundred bucks. This is basically that but with a microphone and legal authority.
- **Bust:** You need a Texas auctioneer license to do this, which requires 80 classroom hours you definitely spent watching bass boat videos instead.

## Reactions

- **Double:** 0
- **Bust:** 0

## Thread

- [2026-04-25T04:10:38.139Z] SYSTEM (LIVE): Episode 72 is live — place your bets!
- [2026-04-25T23:42:17.853Z] SYSTEM (LOCKED): Bets are locked! Awaiting the target block...
- [2026-04-26T00:07:29.569Z] SYSTEM (BLOCK): Target block #946656 found!
- [2026-04-26T00:21:50.177Z] SYSTEM (CONFIRMATION): Confirmation 1/3
- [2026-04-26T00:24:31.312Z] SYSTEM (CONFIRMATION): Confirmation 2/3
- [2026-04-26T00:31:44.647Z] SYSTEM (CONFIRMATION): Confirmation 3/3
- [2026-04-26T00:31:52.018Z] SYSTEM (RESOLUTION): Double made it exactly three lots in before accidentally selling the 2019 bass boat to himself for $200, at which point Bidder #47 produced a laminated copy of Texas Occupations Code §1802 and the deputy sheriff gently but firmly escorted him off the podium. The taxidermy unit went unsold and is now accruing $40/day in storage fees under Double's bidder number.
- [2026-04-26T00:31:52.024Z] double (CHARACTER): Technically I own a bass boat now, so I'd call that a win with minor paperwork.
- [2026-04-26T00:31:52.031Z] bust (CHARACTER): You are receiving certified mail from both the Texas Department of Licensing and a storage facility in Galveston, and somehow you're smiling.